The number one thing I hate about relationships, is the idea that being with that person is the meaning of life. In other words finding your “other half.” As if we are not whole people on our own. Everyone is searching for something, or someone. But the truth is, almost always, once you get the thing you want, you are reckless and careless with it. No matter what it cost you to get it (metaphorically or monetarily), we all take things for granted.

Yes, you could find a person, you could fall in love, and you could spend the rest of your lives together. But that “forever” doesn’t guarantee happiness. Thinking you found that person doesn’t mean it won’t end. Making someone your reason for living is the number one recipe for destruction, not because that person is an asshole and will break your heart, but because shit happens and people change. Also because we’re mortal, and that person’s life source isn’t tied to yours physically, only emotionally.

The person who you actually need to find, is yourself. Devoting your life to another person isn’t just setting yourself up to be hurt, but it’s losing sight of who you really are. Who will you be when you eventually do grow old together and that person dies inevitably? (Though not necessarily before you). Is your life simply over? Is there nothing more in life than finding someone to tether yourself to until you croak? Is that really romantic? Or is it morbid?

Yes that person could be your reason for living, but there are so many others. You should think your partner is a reason to be alive, and your children. If anyone exits your life, it should hurt and that pain is what keeps you alive. If you never feel pain, you really aren’t living.

I think it’s great to find a person to be with, someone to help pass the time, someone who makes the depressing shit seem a little less shitty. But that feeling isn’t found when you’re having sex, which is one of the main differences between a friend and a significant other. You can find close bonds with people who you aren’t romantic with, they can help you pass the time. It’s romantic to think you found the “one.” But you know what, there are so many other great people out there, and they deserve a friend as much as you do.

Many people do die, without choosing a partner, and it doesn’t make them less of a person, but not being able to feel special to anyone because they aren’t part of a couple is disgusting. It comes down to being narcissistic more than anything. Most people want to find someone who will love them for who they are. They aren’t looking for someone to give love to. And often once you find someone, you measure the amount of love you’re giving with how much you’re getting. Giving love shouldn’t be a competition. If you’re still measuring, you’re being selfish.

So find someone and marry them if you want, but don’t stop searching for yourself, and don’t lose your identity. Don’t search for all the ways someone doesn’t love you enough. Your love for them seems less if you’re constantly making your love a competition. If you don’t feel loved enough, it’s not fair to search for that all in one person, look to your friends and more importantly look to yourself. You’re stuck with you, you might as well learn to love you.